today, i read all the things i have posted, all the things i have written and typed and i couldn't believe it all came from my mind. i couldn't believe that my brain was able to string all those words together.
i haven't been writing. i haven't been writing for myself. my mind is so occupied with school and other stuff that i may have unlearned how to write for myself. i've been writing, forming paragraphs, but not for me or for my Russell, but for the people who required me to write. it was academic. no feelings involved. all the deadlines, the scores to reach, expectations to be met, have burnt out my brain and i can no longer spill words for myself. i can no longer let the ink bleed for pleasure. all the stress have taken over the part of me that writes and even reads for enjoyment. the stress took the girl who writes and reads away. she is gone.
i miss writing. i miss the person who could write for herself and for her beau. i hope she comes back soon.
